Overwhelmed by internet research! Must stop!

Alright, Alright, I have fallen victim to internet researching ONE TOO MANY TIMES! I am sure you all have been a victim of it before too. You know... you're sick, so you research your symptoms to find out what you might have and the results range anything from cancer to just a common cold? Or you're not sure what to do in this one situation so you google it. Google has all the answers right? WRONG. So often I find myself on google researching parental advice,tips,etc. and they all say something different! I usually end up torn on what to do and more confused than I was to start with! Once I snap back into reality I physically make myself EXIT the internet browser and remind myself that I need to do what I feel is right as a parent!

Anyway there is a point to this rambling! 

I am obsessive compulsive and worry constantly about my parenting ability/skills! As a young mom I surely was NO where near prepared for parenthood but that does not mean Madalynn should suffer for my actions! I make every effort to be the best mom I can be!  I think maybe since I am the stereotypical "single teenage mother" that I have to prove society wrong and WILL raise a beautiful, smart, intelligent woman, who will learn from her mother's mistakes and not follow in her footsteps. 

Growing up all I remember being taught were my manners and respect. My sister and I never got to have any opinion or speak our minds. Our parents did not practice what they preached. In fact they often did the exact opposite thinking we didn't know what really was going on, when in all reality we heard every fight and every lie that happened in our house even if we were "asleep" (ya right) With Madalynn I want to take on a whole different parenting style than my parents did. She already knows and I will continue to make sure she knows, anything that happens in our house that she doesn't like or feel comfortable with, she is allowed to tell and confide in anyone she feels comfortable with. Growing up I was always told "what goes on in this house stays in this house" and well... what went on in my house was not what you would call typical family events and I felt like I was not able to tell anyone for fear of getting in trouble by my parents. When I was growing up my parents never talked to me about sex or anything close to that topic so I will have the "birds and the bees talk" with Madds. I want her to know no matter what she can come to me and tell me anything and I will not judge her or forsake her, but that I will love her unconditionally and help her in any bind she gets into. I want her to know her grades and college are VERY IMPORTANT and I will do anything in my power to see that she keeps her grades up and succeeds! I know the book says you can't be a parent and friend but I think that is so wrong! I have seen it done countless times and I wish I knew the parents secret but I don't. So I think no matter at what age you "learn as you go".

I hope Madalynn will look back one day and be proud of me and my parenting and know that I did my absolute best!! <3 <3

"You certainly aren't wearing that skirt are you?"

Today was Mommy & Madds Day! ALL day! 

Man! Having a second job has definitely cut into my Maddi time! I was used to having every weekend off with Madalynn for the last 3 years. I know now I surely took my weekends off for granted ever since I had to get a second job to pay off All American Fitness! (i hope that corporation burns in hell for ALL eternity along with the scammers that are behind that business!)  MOVING ON...

Madds & I had the best GIRLS day! I told her I had two surprise for her and she probably asked me every five minutes what they were!

We started out @ Brookside by Day (BBDs) for breakfast. Matt got to come for breakfast because I felt bad since we literally had NO food in the house. After breakfast we headed home to shower and get ready for the day! We went and got manis and pedis! Madds loved it! She kept looking over at me and just smiling! She loved feeling like a part of the big girl crowd. She kept assuring me she was a big girl and "this is what big girls do mommy" I dont want her to be a big girl =( But I guess I should accept fate and go with it rather than fight it.  AH! I just feel like I did not get near enough time with her as a baby girl! She went straight from baby girl to big girl!

  

Next! We went to Andy B's to bowl! Madalynn LOVES bowling!! So I thought this would be a great surprise for her... but it was not =( She saw all the games @ Andy B's and wanted to play those instead. I managed to talk her into bowling at least one game with me! She beat me 49 to 48! ( I PROMISE I did not lose on purpose.. I just suck at that bad, no lie.) but you better believe after the 10th frame she threw her bowling shoes off and headed straight for the games! Grr! Eh, long story short we played, and weeee plaaaaayed games and cashed in our tickets for... 2 temporary tattoos, 2 bracelets, and a stuffed animal penguin. ( like she doesn't have 19,000 stuffed animals already) but it was her day so I didn't say a word.

All in all it was a great day! I love my baby girl with all my heart!

Don't you ever grow up

I am trying to be better about updating this. I am really kicking myself for not creating this when I first had Madds so I could document her
life and she could come back a look at it. WAY better than a baby book! Oh well, I guess she could look on my Facebook? I pretty much documented it all on there.

This is my LAST month of having to work two jobs! There is a light at the end of the tunnel and there is a god!

I am about to purchase a tent -Eureka - Tetragon_1210
and a 10x10 EZ-Up along with other various camping supplies. The first or second week of May come hell or high water we will be camping somewhere! Some of my favorite memories growing up was of my family and their friends camping at Marval(sp?) every memorial day weekend. I hope to carry that on to my children as well. =)


Madds is on Spring Break this week and I am taking the next two days off to spend with her! Then next weekend she is going to her Daddy's in Kansas.


That's all for now. GO GET YOUR CAMPING ON! YA DIG?

"Never Grow Up – Taylor Swift"
Your little hand's wrapped around my finger
And it's so quiet in the world tonight
Your little eyelids flutter cause you're dreaming
So I tuck you in, turn on your favorite night light
To you everything's funny, you got nothing to regret
I'd give all I have, honey
If you could stay like that

Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up, just stay this little
Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up, it could stay this simple
I won't let nobody hurt you, won't let no one break your heart
And no one will desert you
Just try to never grow up, never grow up

You're in the car on the way to the movies
And you're mortified your mom's dropping you off
At 14 there's just so much you can't do
And you can't wait to move out someday and call your own shots
But don't make her drop you off around the block
Remember that she's getting older too
And don't lose the way that you dance around in your pj's getting ready for school